Sunday, March 14, 2010

I don't know when I'll be ready...

I'm here feeling so lost and wondering when I'll be ready to write something on my blog again...
It's been 1 month and 2 days since my adorable son left this world. I can't understand why and I feel so lost! He was my everything, I dream about him everyday, I cry everyday... Only if you have been trough this you can imagine how hard  it is.
I can't really cry with my family because I think then I'll be more sad and I don't feel my mom is strong enough to help me now! I can't loose her aswell. My sis lost her husband I can't make her more sad. It's just not fair on them.
My husband is suffering so much and he only cries with me so it makes even harder. I have to be strong for them but it's hard.
I lost my only son why can't I cry? why can't I just give up of everything and just go aswell? The only thing I want is to be with Mikaal again. Sometimes it feels like forever, I wanna see him now.
Yesterday on the way to the graveyard I saw Mikaal smiling, was not the same smile it was better, bigger and happier so I had a very good day yesterday but today I'm missing him so much.
What if today is as good as it gets???


  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your son is adorable. Please know that the raw feelings do pass, even though it seems like they never will. There will be better days. I remember not being able to cry for a long time, I thought something was wrong with me, but then I began to start really feeling everything and the tears came so easily, as they do now most days. Thinking of you.


  2. I wish I could crawl right through this screen and give you a great big hug! I know these emotions all to well. Just know that if you need to cry go ahead and cry. You do whatever it is that you need to to grieve your precious son. And trust me, your family is already grieving his loss as a grandson or nephew. I really dont think that you will make them more sad. Im sure that they would love for you to lean on them. I have also found so much relif in blogging for all the things I want to say to work out my own grief. It's like my form of therapy. And I agree with every word that Franchesca has said, that these feelings are so raw in the beginning, but they will get easier to bear with time. *HUGS*

  3. You don't have to be strong for me. This is your time and I'm here for you, always!

    My love for you can't be expressed in words...


Mikaal's story by Everylifehasastory Thanks Malory

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