My life is so bad right now... I'm pretending everyday, every minute. It has only been a month, two weeks and two days since my baby left to heaven and it feels like it is happening everyday, every hour.
Yesterday I had to listen the most horrible things... The person said: "What are you doing these days? Just missing Mikaal?" "Life has to go on, you know" "Are you trying for another child?".
Very easy to say when you never lost a child. It really hurt to listen this things specially from someone who's meant to help you. They expect me to have plans for the future but I don't want to do anything, for me is no more future. Mikaal was my present and future now he's gonne and I really feel I have nothing, I don't wanna have nothing, I don't deserve to be happy. He's gonne and took all my happiness with him.
Here is the only place I feel good and I feel I can be honest. I feel angry and sad with everything and everyone. I feel no one cares about my pain.
Why everyone expects me to be ok??
Why do I have to pretend that nothing happen to me?
Why do I have to change my plans?
Why do I have to support everyone except myself?