This weekend was my brother's wedding and everything was going ok and I was having a good time. But when I see other babies my heart breaks. I spent most of the time trying to control my tears. My brother does understand so that is good! But then still had to listen the most horrible things from my "family" (they never met Mikaal, they did not call to say congrats you had a baby, they did not call saying sorry you lost your son). They just said your are young and can't be stuck because of this thing. You'll have more kids so YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON! I'm hurt because they say things like Mikaal was nothing... and Mikaal was, is and always will be my everything!
This poem someone posted on facebook it's just me now...
Written so perfectly
You dont know how I feel , please don't tell me that you do.
There is just one way to know----Have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child"--Must I hear this everyday?
Can I get another Mother too, if mine should pass away?
Don't say it was God's will-----that's not the God I know
Would God, on purpose, break my heart then watch as my tears flow?
"you have a angel in heaven, a child up above"
But tell me, whom on earth should I give this love?
"Arent you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say?
NO! A part of my heart still aches and I'll always feel some pain
You think that silence is kind but it hurts even more.
I want to talk about my child that has gone through death's door.
Don't say these things to me, although you mean well.
They do not take the pain away, I must go through this hell.
I will get better, slow but sure and it helps to have you near
But a simple " I am sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.
After that we got a letter from the hospital. Very nice, they still remember Mikaal! I'll post it here another day!