Today I just had a massage and it was supposed to be very relaxing but when I closed my eyes the only thing I could think of was my baby and for that little time in the spa I just remembered Mikaal last moments. Did I relax?? no! The lady was just rubbing my back, leggs and feet and the only thing I could think of was Mikaal. I spent all the time trying to control myself, I didn't want to leave the spa crying...
Is it always going to be like that? I walk on the street and see babies and get angry, I don't understand why... I get jealous of every baby I see...
Oh God please give me some peace and strenght to go on...
Im so sorry that your spa time wasnt relaxing or enjoyable today. But no, it wont always be like that. It will always be hard and you will never forget or even be the same as you were before but it does get a little more bearable with time. I know that sounds impossible but eventually you will find your "new normal." *HUGS*
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